Comedian Stephen Colbert, mocking a report that one ethanol-fueled flight from London to New York would require a year’s worth of corn from thirty soccer fields, remarked “You get to fly across the Atlantic AND destroy soccer at the same time!”
Category / funny
"Do you know what that sound is, Daddy?"
This probably won’t translate very well into this arena, but I had to try. Here’s the scene:
I’m sitting at the kitchen table last night about 10:30p. Abby was having trouble sleeping after taking a late afternoon nap. So she’s lying in bed, humming a recognizable tune:
“Dun dun du-dun, dun du-dun, dun du-dun…”
“Abby,” says I, “go to sleep, honey.”
“Did you hear that sound?” she asks.
“Yes, honey, I heard it. Now go to sleep.”
“Do you know what that sound is, Daddy? That’s the sound Darth Vader makes! Dun dun du-dun, dun du-dun, dun du-dun…”
I laughed for four minutes.
Pennies From Heaven
I got this early today from my good friend Pete and felt compelled to share this interesting and unusual perspective on a very common occurrence. /Jim
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband’s employer’s home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend.
The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live.The husband’s employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him.
There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man’s face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?
“Look at it,” he said, “read what it says.” She read the words “United States of America.”
“No, not that; read further.”
“One cent?”
“No, keep reading.”
“In God we Trust?”
“Yes!”
“And?”
“And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God’s way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!”
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, “In God We Trust,” and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient.
"I’m Gonna Miss You, Daddy."
I always knew being a parent would be challenging. But I never expected this much of a challenge from a 2-1/2 year old.
Picture this: The car is fully loaded for the trip to Florida. Everything is in place except the kids. I’ve gotten Abby and Grace in the car and I’m working on getting them buckled. Having some difficulty, I resorted to threats:
“If you want to go to the beach, I need you to get in your seats,” says I.
Not much response.
“Listen guys, if you want to go with us, you’re going to have to get in your seats and get buckled.” Still no response. I decide to rephrase it.
“If you don’t get into your seats right now, we’re going to leave you at home by yourself.” This finally got their attention, though the response wasn’t what I intended.
Grace climbed out of the car, walked to the front porch, turned around and said, “I’m gonna miss you, Daddy.”
Overheard at lunch…
Lily asked, “Jack, what’s your favorite fruit?”
“Meatballs.”